For me, friendship is the foundation of any and every relationship. I never date anyone without truly getting to know them and building a friendship. My most recent relationship was no different. Terrell and I met at a game night, and even though we were flirting with each other all night, we were also joking all night as well.

We both laughed at the same things, and just had an instant connection. We hung out in similar friend circles so I would always bump into him here and there, and we would always connect. It wasn’t until we were joking one night and I jokingly told him he needed to take me on a date, and he said, “you’re right” and the rest was history.

Everything was great, I mean it was like the best of both worlds. I had a great friend who was also my boyfriend. Every time we hung out it was always a rat time. However, I got a new job and it required me to travel more, which meant I wasn’t around as much during the week, and Terrell and I only hung out on the weekends, if that.

I could sense that this newfound distance was putting a strain on our relationship, and I knew he could sense it too. So, we both just decided to just be friends.

Oddly, I wasn’t even sad about it. I mean, we started off as friends, and even though he was now an ex, I knew that his friendship was special, so I was content with that, or so I thought. It wasn’t until one weekend I was out with my girls and I bumped into Terrell at a day party, making out with another girl.

My heart literally sunk. I mean it felt like I just got hit by a bus. Granted, Terrell and I agreed to just be friends, and he wasn’t doing anything wrong, my heart felt otherwise. Did I just convince myself that I was okay with being just friends because I didn’t think he would actually move on and find someone else? Or did I truly want to be just friends? I am not sure.

But, now I know that I can’t just be friends with someone who I’ve been with and then go back to being just friends. I think it’s the way the heart is set up. Once you are affectionate with someone, it makes it pretty hard to negate those feelings, and bury them.

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