According to VSB, they got an exclusive tip on an email exchange between Drake and Serena Williams. We have a snippet below, and it had me literally dying. We try our best to read these things with a grain of salt so at best it is entertaining.
First of all Drake why are you sitting in a water less tub? and why did Serena hit him with one line after all of that poetry – ” I MIGHT ” txt you later!
From: firstname.lastname@example.org: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 6:01am
I finally told my mom about you last weekend. I called her on the phone. She was like “I know you don’t like me calling you Aubrey. But I don’t like calling you Drake, either. So I’ll just call you Meadow.” And I was like “I’ve always liked Meadows. My favorite meadow ever was that patch of grass under the Peace Bridge you used to take me to to play wiffle ball and eat Cheddar Bacon Goldfish in the summer. I could never hit your pitches. But you told me to just keep swinging. And you said my dad left you for Lark Voorhees. But I knew you were lying. I know he left because he was allergic to kitchen magnets, but you wouldn’t get rid of them.”
And she was like “I got your text about Serena. Do you really believe she’s the one?” And I was like “I do.” And she was like “Didnt you say the same thing about Onika?” And I was like “I did, but she’s with Rahmeek now.” And she was like “Didn’t you say the same thing about Mrs. Twerk Something?” And I was like “It’s actually Mizz Twerksum, mom. She’s very specific about her name, for branding purposes.” And she was like “But anyway, didn’t you say that about her?” And I was like “I did.” And she was like “What about Flo from the Progressive commercials. What happened to her?” And I was like “Flo understands me. We’ll never be together, but we’ll never be apart”
And she was like “Meadow, what makes Serena different?” And I told her about that night the ball boys at Wimbledon gave me an extra key to Centre Court. And I waited until midnight came and everyone was gone. I think you were back in America already. Or on a date with Paul George. And then I went on the court and cuddled with the net. I know it wasn’t you. It was a tennis net. But I told her I never felt closer to any human than I did with you when I was cuddling that tennis net. And she was like “Be careful, Meadow.” And I was like “I love her.”
And I got off the phone and went to Baja Fresh. Everyone loves Chipotle. But Baja Fresh is better.
From: email@example.com: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 7:28am
I’m sitting in the bath tub right now. No water. Just air and bathtub porcelain. I was just watching highlights of you in Cincinnati on ESPNNews. You make me speechless. I see you and don’t know what words to say. Rosetta Stone. Every moment I think of you is like the first time I had a cupcake. Do you know how awesome that would be? If every time you ate a cupcake, it was like your first time eating a cupcake? That’s how I feel when I see you. Like a three year old biting a cupcake. Or a 28 year old with a bad memory biting that same cupcake. Over and over again because he keeps forgetting that he already bit the cupcake. That 28-year-old is me. And that feeling motivates me to keep doing all these core exercises, so I can lift you up without help from Noah.
From: Serena@Serena.Serena: To: firstname.lastname@example.org: 7:51am
Hey! Headed to morning workout. Might txt later. Bye!
Read the whole thing here.