Dear Urban Gyal can men and women really not be close friends? Friendships with guys have always came natural for me. I feel like you don’t have to deal with the pettiness or drama that you often find with some friendships with girls. In college I was blessed to form bonds with quite a few fellas who have all brought me laughter, joy and have always kept it real.
Unfortunately, with male-female bonds typically come an attraction from one party or the other. In my cases the feeling has been mutual or it’s been the guy liking me and then I go into my shell and retreat from the friendship all together.
Recently I feel like I lost a close friend due to the fact that he has been trying to date me. Only thing is he hasn’t come out and said it directly which makes in that much more awkward.
My friend “John” and I met back my junior year of college through a mutual friend. He always went out with our core group and we just clicked. He’s hilarious and we could talk about anything. He was always there for me and I knew he would always have my back. Even after he moved to the northwest we still kept in touch and paid each other a visit whenever he was back in town.
The last time I saw him was my university’s homecoming where he made it plain that he really wanted to spend time with me. I said cool and i’ll bring my girl and we can make it a group thing. John’s whole demeanor changed and he immediately responded that he was hoping it would just be him and I… Oh by the way, we ended up not hanging out but I saw him at a party later that night.
Since that day, he has sent me awkward text messages saying how he wants to fly me out to see him, he can plan a weekend together, how he thinks so much of me etc etc. He also goes so far to leave open ended questions like we should try “it”. What is “it”?!
He’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong but I feel like he wants something more and even after I told him I’m not interested in him in that way he’s just not giving up. So I’ve slowly been disappearing out of the picture completely.
It really sucks to lose a great friend.