Dear Urban Gyal, you wont believe why I got dumped by a guy I actually was starting to like. It all started out as the perfect love story. Guy meets girl, we connect like never before, we go on several dates, he wines and dines me, and we get to the point where we are comfortable enough to cuddle on the couch and watch movies.
One night we are at his place watching a movie and having a good time until I became really sleepy. I was so sleepy I could barely keep my eyes open. He looks over at me and catches my eyes taking long blinks as I was nodding off. “Sleepy, love?” he asks.
I tell him I’m not, because I didn’t want the night to end. He chuckles and asks if I want to go lie down in his bed. I shook my head no, because I knew what that would lead to and I wasn’t trying to go that route.
“Well, come get in my lap,” he said. “I’ll rock you to sleep.” I liked the idea, so I squirmed over to him and got in his lap and he cradled me until I fell asleep. I went into one of those deep sleeps where the world just sorts of fades away.
Three hours later, a sound wakes me from my slumber. I open my eyes and realize I’m still in his arms. I look at him, and he is sound asleep still. I thanked God because the sound I heard was definitely me passing gas and it was loud! Loud enough to wake me up, so I was shocked it didn’t wake him.
Two days passed and everything between us seemed great until I received an odd text from my best friend. It read: I know… I reply: You know what?! I then receive a phone call from her. She is dying with laughter. Here I am confused as ever. She tells me that she knows I passed gas while I was asleep on my date. I am confused….HOW?
There was only one person around when I passed gas…He was, and why was I even having this conversation. My best friend proceeds to say that my guy came to her and expressed how disgusted he was by my passing gas and how women shouldn’t do such things.
I’m thinking three things as she is telling me this: Why did he pretend to be asleep that night? Aren’t women humans too? Why did he feel the need to talk to to someone else about this?
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I half laughed and was half infuriated, so I confronted him (which made matters worse). Of course, he didn’t want to even talk about it. He didn’t even consider the fact that I was asleep and had no control over what my body decided to do at that time.
He had nothing else to say to me. Wow! – I couldn’t help but think he was being a bit ridiculous, I am only human and it isn’t like he hasn’t done it before. But it did not make a difference, he made it clear that he couldn’t get past the fart and we were done. I know what you are thinking, well all I can say it that this is one for the books and I couldn’t make this up if I tried. SMH