Black manA 20 yr old black man recently wrote a confessional article called Confessions Of a Former Self Hating Black Man who Used to Bash Black women on Social Media.

I read his whole article! It was a poignant piece that had me thinking well at least he was slightly real about it. The truth is I wasn’t ready to do cartwheels over the fact that a black man told the truth about how he preferred white women and how much he did not like black women for this and that excuse. He explains his self hate with the following:

What exactly is a self-hating black man? A self-hating black man can be a lot of different things but for me it was a man who was not fully comfortable in his blackness and as result directed his feelings into other things in order to compensate.

For me to reach the point that I am at now where I am able to label my former self as a self-hater has not been easy but through thinking back on my former thought process and actions It’s a conclusion that I found I cannot escape.

As a result of this I had a very diverse group of friends but when it came down to it my closest friends were all black males like me.

The backgrounds of my friends were were as diverse as the city I grew up I. Some were from the “hood”, while others were from the best neighborhoods in town. Despite our socioeconomic differences we all had one thing in common. We were all interested in white girls.

I suppose my lack of excitement comes from the fact that while black men do suffer from some self hate, there is more to it than that.

You see it is highly possible that you (the black brother) and I (the black sister) can come from the same household, same economic status, have the same black mother and black father and you like white girls while I am steady checking out all your black friends.

So what is it that was so bad about the black girl that many of our guys cannot get past? How can you hate the very ideals that you accepted within your own friends but hated about the women that looked like you? That gave birth to you and put up with your dumb a**?

To me most black women represented everything that I didn’t want in a woman. I felt that most were too loud, too argumentative, had too much attitude, and were too much to handle.

I believed these things despite being raised by and around black women who represented absolutely none of these things. I simply saw my mother and other female family members as exceptions to my generalization so they didn’t count.

Self hate is one thing but there are other things to consider as well. For one some black men are very caught up in what their friends are doing, sometimes it isn’t about the white girl or the black girl, but the validation from friends and social circles that mean the most.