One of the hardest responsibilities as a good friend is sticking by and watching while your best friend runs back and forth with a no good guy. That is a current situation I’m facing.
Although I am in no way saying I have it all together and haven’t made poor choices when it comes to men, being an outsider of a toxic situation makes me want to scream and shake her!
My friend, let’s call her “Ashley”, started dating this guy in 2015. During the course of their relationship and even thereafter he has been extremely disrespectful, rude, and completely inconsiderate of her feelings.
Even up until last night when Ashley invited him to go to a gathering with her where she consumed a little too much alcohol over her limit, he basically left her out on the street and allowed her to stumble to find a way home.
While I didn’t want her to spend the night with him he could have at least gotten her a cab or checked to make sure she got home safely. CLOWN!
The list clownisms goes on and on with him but I digress. So as a friend my thing is, what is my role in the situation I know that I never want to say I told you so.
The last thing anyone wants to hear in a bad situation is I told you so. Every time Ashley comes and tells me another event of how he has completely disrespected her I’m not surprised but I will never make her feel worse by saying “I told you so”. On the other hand even though I still love her I refuse to enable this situation
Sometimes all you can do to be a good friend is just being there. I’m tough on her, yes. If Ashley tells me she’s made plans for drinks with him I will yell at her, “No don’t do it!” “You’re better than that!” etc.
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I refuse to enable the situation by saying that it’s ok because it’s not. But at the same token I will not come down so hard on her that she no longer feels comfortable keeping me in the loop on what’s going on in her life. Ashley knows that I will continue to be her friend even if she runs back to the guy but I will not stop telling her that it’s not okay.
Truth is I’ve come to realize that if a woman isn’t ready to let a guy go you can’t make her. Looking at my own past I stayed in a relationship well after I knew that it was time to give it up. I had friends telling me to let him go for months and it wasn’t until I came to that realization myself that I was able to do so.
I believe that one day it will hit her. I pray that last night was the last straw but if not I will continue to support her by just being a friend, loving her and never saying I told you so.