Dating can be tricky at times. Getting sucked in to the idea of someone being your prince charming when they paint a picture of perfection can happen. But what if everything he told you was a lie and he is in fact living a secret life?

Well tell me how that happened to me not once but twice?!

I met Guy #1 back in college at a club. He had just gotten back to the states after playing professional basketball overseas for 3 years.

He was 6’10 with beautiful brown skin and a nice smile. Weakness! We had great conversation and he kept me laughing but unfortunately the fling didn’t last long. After finally exchanging social media I did a bit of lurking on his Facebook page to learn a little more about him. Hey, I work in forensics so investigating comes naturally!

Next thing I know I end up on his friends page, who leads me to this girl’s page who has Guy #1 plastered all over. “Couplely” photos and references to him being her “hunny bun”. The girl lived in the UK and obviously they still had a pretty intimate relationship going on. At least clearly from her side. Distance didn’t stop it.

I questioned him about it and of course he denied the accusations and said she was just a “friend”. Long story short he got cut!

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Guy #2 actually happened a couple of months ago. I met him on the popular dating app Tinder. I had just moved to the DMV area and was looking to get to know people in the area.

He was charming and we went out on a couple of dates to get to know each other. I learned that he had recently returned to the states after working 2 years in Japan. Fast forward to a month later when we were face timing and he rushed off the phone because he had an international call to take. Um call from who? was my first thought but I decided to subdue my natural “crazy girl status” tendencies and let him take his call.

I then hopped on Instagram and started to stalk his page. Long story short I learned he had a girlfriend back in Japan. I wasn’t really bothered because we had different religious views anyways which is a deal breaker for me so I was about to end things anyway, but it’s the principle of the matter.

Deja Vu is not the word. Like wtf. How could this have happened twice?! I really know how to pick em huh?

At least I learned about both situations early on so there weren’t any feelings invested yet. For me it’s important to know who I’m dating up front which is why I now make sure I ask all the right questions.

I think it is so important to guard my heart when dating and getting to know someone. I listen to everything, pay attention to red flags and see if he lies. I note how he talks about his mother and how he responds to conversation about commitment. I ask deeper questions about his childhood and how he was raised. I also go into his deepest fears and find what makes him tick.

And lastly, Note to self: Never date a guy who has recently returned to the states after living overseas for years!