Giving advice is something that I do on a daily basis, as a College Counselor. I’m so used to students coming to me, and asking me what I think about something, or wanting me to walk through various choices with them.
I truly love what I do. However, sometimes it gets tricky when I’m talking to my friends, and I have to remember that I am not at work, they are not my students, and most of the time they aren’t asking for my advice, just venting.
One friend in particular however is always asking me what I think about a certain situation, and wants me to counsel her on what she should do. I think that that’s part of being a good friend, so I never hesitate to assist. However, recently she asked me about something that totally goes against my morals.
Anette met an older guy named Jay, and shortly after meeting each other they hooked up. However, Jay failed to tell Anette one minor detail, and that was that he was married. The only way Anette even found out is because she went through his phone.
By that point, though, Annette was already smitten with Jay, even though it had only been 3 weeks! Of course, my advice was to leave Jay alone because he was married, and if she continued to knowingly mess around with him, she would be considered a side chick.
Anette then tried to rationalize and say that Jay told her he doesn’t love his wife, and that he hasn’t been happy in a long time. I feel like that is the most tired line in the book. That’s what men in these situations say to women to try to evoke sympathy from them, and to make themselves the victim.
I voiced all of this to Anette, and by the end of a long conversation I thought that she had really taken my advice to heart and was going to end it with Jay, but she didn’t. I think my opinion has put a wedge in our friendship because moral character is something that I highly regard in any type of relationship, and Anette and I don’t have the same morals.
It’s been hard, but I’ve been slowly distancing myself from Anette. Sometimes she would call, and I would just let it go to voicemail. Or she would text me, and I would briefly reply with one word. I still haven’t figured out how I want to go about confronting Anette with my feelings without hurting hers, but it’s something that I am going to have to do soon. Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend and it put a wedge between your friendship? If so, how did you handle it?
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